I'd have to say... that I'm firmly rooted in the moment. This was true the moment I made up my mind about a certain girl in third grade that I had been watching in secret, and figured out exactly which things I wanted to do, how she might react, and something deep inside my brain gave me a certain confidence that doing those things would make her very, very happy. I 'just knew' it would be beautiful. She was beautiful. But when I imagined the way her face would look as she became so incredibly, helplessly happy... that was most beautiful of all. But I was so damned ugly. And she was so lovely. I was really clever too, and 'just knew' it would turn into something very different than I had envisioned, something embarrassing, traumatic and painful. And I was absolutely right. I did nothing, then and countless times after. It was traumatic, it was painful. Then eventually the desperation and angst made me bolder and I began to make overtures to other girls; but like so many intelligent introverts, I had become so different in personality from my peers that to them, I just seemed weird and a bit creepy. It would be FIFTEEN YEARS from that moment until another moment arrived, while gazing at the beautiful face of an amazing woman as she became helplessly, incredibly happy... after an unusually harsh winter of the soul, I had finally achieved my goal. Sometimes, people: life sucks, for a long long time... and then you live. | 
